AnonymousUser

Did it like this, did it like that, did it like a wiffleball bat, & I'm on the run!!

  • "Not it!!" Shorter version of Obama's Syria speech. ~ Rob Kutner

    "Not it!!" Shorter version of Obama's Syria speech. ~ Rob Kutner

  • "Asking Congress to do anything is like asking Miley Cyrus to put her tongue in her mouth." ~ H. Alan Scott

    "Asking Congress to do anything is like asking Miley Cyrus to put her tongue in her mouth." ~ H. Alan Scott

  • A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you just thought of. ~Burt Bacharach

    A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you just thought of. ~Burt Bacharach

  • "If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable..." ~Mitch Hedberg

    "If you had a friend who was a tightrope walker, and you were walking down a sidewalk, and he fell, that would be completely unacceptable..." ~Mitch Hedberg

  • Some days I wish I had a crappy education so your grammar wouldn't bother me so much.

    Some days I wish I had a crappy education so your grammar wouldn't bother me so much.

  • I'm going to hell in every religion.

    I'm going to hell in every religion.

  • I even postpone procrastination. Just like now. And now, and now, and now......

    I even postpone procrastination. Just like now. And now, and now, and now......

  • "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." David Sedaris (love him)

    "Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you're offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." David Sedaris (love him)

  • Congratulations on going to college far enough away that your promiscuous high school rep isn't widely known yet..

    Congratulations on going to college far enough away that your promiscuous high school rep isn't widely known yet..

  •  "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something------ but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump." "I don't need very much now," said the boy. "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy.

    "I am sorry," sighed the tree. "I wish that I could give you something------ but I have nothing left. I am just an old stump." "I don't need very much now," said the boy. "just a quiet place to sit and rest. I am very tired." "Well," said the tree, straightening herself up as much as she could, "Well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting. Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest." And the boy did. And the tree was happy.

  • ..... And after a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you. My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them.” "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb." "I am too tired to climb," said the boy.

    ..... And after a long time the boy came back again. "I am sorry, Boy," said the tree, "but I have nothing left to give you. My apples are gone." "My teeth are too weak for apples," said the boy. "My branches are gone," said the tree. "You cannot swing on them.” "I am too old to swing on branches," said the boy. "My trunk is gone," said the tree. "You cannot climb." "I am too tired to climb," said the boy.

  •  But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "Come and play." “I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that can take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?" "Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away...... and be happy." And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy... But not really...

    But the boy stayed away for a long time. And when he came back, the tree was so happy she could hardly speak. "Come, Boy," she whispered, "Come and play." “I am too old and sad to play," said the boy. "I want a boat that can take me far away from here. Can you give me a boat?" "Cut down my trunk and make a boat," said the tree. "Then you can sail away...... and be happy." And so the boy cut down her trunk and made a boat and sailed away. And the tree was happy... But not really...

  •  "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy." "I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm. I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?" "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy.

    "Come, Boy, climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and be happy." "I am too busy to climb trees," said the boy. "I want a house to keep me warm. I want a wife and I want children, and so I need a house. Can you give me a house?" "I have no house," said the tree. "The forest is my house, but you may cut off my branches and build a house. Then you will be happy." And the boy cut off her branches and carried them away to build his house. And the tree was happy.

  •  "I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money, I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy." And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time. and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said ....

    "I'm sorry," said the tree, "but I have no money, I have only leaves and apples. Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in the city. Then you will have money and you will be happy." And so the boy climbed up the tree and gathered her apples and carried them away. And the tree was happy. But the boy stayed away for a long time. and the tree was sad. And then one day the boy came back and the tree shook with joy and she said ....

  •  But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." "I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"

    But time went by. And the boy grew older. And the tree was often alone. Then one day the boy came to the tree and the tree said, "Come, Boy, come and climb up my trunk and swing from my branches and eat apples and play in my shade and be happy." "I am too big to climb and play," said the boy. "I want to buy things and have fun. I want some money. Can you give me some money?"

  • @bananatree Once there was a tree..... and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree.......very much. And the tree was happy.

    @bananatree Once there was a tree..... and she loved a little boy. And every day the boy would come and he would gather her leaves and make them into crowns and play king of the forest. He would climb up her trunk and swing from her branches and eat apples. And they would play hide-and-go-seek. And when he was tired, he would sleep in her shade. And the boy loved the tree.......very much. And the tree was happy.

  • For the LOVE of GOD will someone please tell my husband that I sleep on the couch to fall asleep to the TV (which wakes him up). NOT that I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. For FUCK'S SAKE.

    For the LOVE of GOD will someone please tell my husband that I sleep on the couch to fall asleep to the TV (which wakes him up). NOT that I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH HIM. For FUCK'S SAKE.

  • If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be. -Wayne Campbell

    If you blow chunks and she comes back, she's yours. If you spew and she bolts, then it was never meant to be. -Wayne Campbell

  • Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people. ~will cuppy

    Some people lose all respect for the lion unless he devours them instantly. There is no pleasing some people. ~will cuppy

  • It would be absurd if we did not understand both angels and devils, since we invented them. ~John Steinbeck

    It would be absurd if we did not understand both angels and devils, since we invented them. ~John Steinbeck